The Parents' Guide to helping your teen cope with rejection

Jan 2, 2025
4 min read

Updated: Jul 22

Whether they've applied for an apprenticeship, university place, job or other next step, competition for places can be fierce and, inevitably, some applicants get turned down. Experiencing rejection for the first time can be tough. As adults, we've had many years to develop the coping mechanisms to deal with this kind of disappointment, but this may be your child’s first experience of it, and it may feel like the end of the world. It isn't. Help your teen accept and move on from the decision without it damaging their self-confidence.

The Parents' Guide to helping your teen cope with rejection

It's OK to feel hurt

Rejection can be hurtful, and it's OK to acknowledge that. Don't dismiss their feelings and jump straight to encouragement by saying everything's going to work out fine (even though it will, and this is good advice in the long term) before giving them a chance to express how they feel, and perhaps even cry or rant a bit. That said, it's important they feel reassured that rejection doesn't define them as a failure. Disappointment is part of life; the key is to take stock, learn any lessons that could help in future, and move on. This is part of building resilience: the ability to bounce back from setbacks rather than being overwhelmed by them.

Reduce the power of rejection

Encourage your child to research and apply for more than one opportunity at a time. If possible, aim for several applications concurrently. This way they aren't placing all their eggs in one basket and thinking their entire future depends on one pathway. If one doesn't work out, they've still got open possibilities with others.

This is easy with university applications, because they'll apply to five universities via UCAS as an automatic part of the process. It's less obvious with jobs and apprenticeships, especially as these need to be applied for individually and each takes a lot of work. But where possible, they should invest the time and make multiple applications, keeping their options open; it will serve them well in the long term.

Helping them regain control

Encourage your child to request feedback about any rejections. Not all companies offer this, but many do. Feedback helps your child understand the reasons they weren't successful and improve for future interviews and applications. Companies have a lot of experience in giving feedback, and it's likely to be sensitive and constructive.

Reframing

How we perceive a situation has a significant impact on how we feel about it. Using the reframing technique of looking at a situation from a more positive angle can help them feel better and improve their mindset, even though the situation itself hasn't changed. It can also highlight that no situation, however appealing, is perfect, and that there are always some drawbacks. For example, they may have missed out on an apprenticeship they felt was the sure route to success. They can take a notepad and jot down all the ways they felt it was right. Then clear the slate and write down any ways it wasn't perfect. Did it mean moving some distance from home? Was it especially competitive and likely to be tiring to keep up? Were there elements of the job or training they were less keen on that they'll no longer have to accept?

Long-term viewpoints

There's a lot to be said for living in the here and now, but sometimes teens need to look ahead. There can be many routes to the same destination, so they should keep an eye on their long-term ambitions and what they'd like to achieve, while staying flexible about the different ways of getting there.

Talking it through

It may not be to you. A sibling, grandparent, family friend or friend at school could offer a sympathetic ear. Expressing worries out loud can sometimes make them feel less significant than when they’re playing on loop in the mind. Vocalising and explaining feelings to another person can help put them in perspective, whereas internalising and thinking negative thoughts over and over can encourage them to feel bigger. Your teen needs to remember they control their thoughts, not the other way around, and talking through their feelings can help crystallise this by restructuring thoughts into coherent sentences.

Relaxation

Highly charged emotions are tiring and elevate stress-response hormones in the body. Try to help your teen counter this by:

doing something physical to burn off excess energy and release natural feel-good hormones
taking their mind off the disappointment by doing something that makes them laugh, literally changing the chemical balance in the body, perhaps watching a comedy together or some YouTube shorts
doing something relaxing and soothing, perhaps cooking, taking a bath or listening to music
practising slow, deep breathing techniques

Timing

Bear in mind that letters of decline often arrive in the lead-up to exams. Try your best to prevent this having a negative impact on your child’s study or revision, using some of the relaxation ideas above.

Final words

Don't encourage negative self-talk. Instead, try to get them to talk through what they've learned from the experience and what they might do differently next time.

Be there. Listen carefully to their feelings and reassure them that, in the long run, things will work out.

Find out more about what you can do at home to help your teen create lifelong healthy habits and study more successfully in The Parents' Guide to Homelife and Study - GCSEs and The Parents' Guide to Homelife and Study - sixth form.