Key life skills to teach your teens before university
- Dec 24, 2024
- 6 min read
Updated: Jul 22
The time is coming fast. Soon you’ll wave your teenagers off as they leave the nest, possibly for the first time, and head into the unknown at university. As parents, you’ll miss them, no matter how much they’ve made you worry over the years.
You’ve undoubtedly tried to teach them all you can, but as the departure date approaches, you may wonder whether you should do more to prepare your child to cope away from home.
Relax. You’ve likely done your job well. All you can do now is review this list of valuable life skills, refresh the ones you’ve taught them, and pass on advice about those they’re still lacking.
As much as they won’t admit it, young adults also get nervous about the future, so they may appreciate a few more tips before they enter the wider world and university life.
1. Money and credit management
Living in a university hall or shared accommodation off campus means watching spending. For example, you’ll want to point out the intricacies of owning and using a credit card, since that credit has limits and they’ll need to pay it back with interest.
Budgeting and saving are skills your children can draw on throughout their lives. They must learn that putting money away for necessities is more important than buying a new phone when they already have one that works perfectly. Using your household budget as a practical example can make its importance clearer.
2. Decision-making and prioritising
When teenagers live under your roof, you make many of the calls that affect their daily lives. That changes quickly once they become young adults and leave for new accommodation. What and when to eat, and how early to leave a party, are now their decisions, rather than eating prepared meals at set times and abiding by your curfews.
Allowing your teenagers a degree of responsibility as they grow and mature means they’ll more easily adapt to prioritising and making better decisions when they have no other option. Even if they make poor choices under your guidance, they’ll learn from the experience and can apply that knowledge later.
3. Self-discipline and organisation
Self-discipline is a life skill that aligns with money management, decision-making and many others teenagers must learn before leaving home. When your children can control their impulses and make wiser choices, their emerging adult lives become more manageable and, usually, more successful.
If you can teach your children to be organised and self-disciplined at school, they’ll carry these skills into their university studies. Instil a good work ethic and the responsibility to complete schoolwork and chores before moving on to leisure.
That said, be reasonable, as being rigid and overly strict could cause them to rebel at the first taste of independence. Discuss extenuating circumstances that might alter their after-school schedules, and allow for changes provided they complete assignments and chores on time. Your flexibility lets them discipline themselves and organise their lives around the changes you’ve agreed.
4. Flexibility and time management
The flexibility you show your children as they grow up sets an example for their formative adult lives. Kids notice more than you give them credit for, and your practical example is a learning point throughout their childhood and teenage years. If you can encourage flexibility while teaching them to manage their time, they’ll be better off when you’re not there to help.
Time management is a learned skill, with some people more adept than others at co-ordinating their daily routines. The trick is to adjust when things don't go to plan. In those situations, shuffling tasks and responsibilities to go with the flow is an accomplishment to be proud of.
If your children combine self-discipline, organisation and flexibility, they’ll learn to manage their time more effectively.
5. Resourcefulness and persistence
These two qualities go hand in hand. People who keep striving instead of giving up usually reach their goals, no matter the difficulties and setbacks. Headstrong children can be challenging, as they never take no for an answer and often try different tactics to change your mind. If your children have these perceived 'dubious' qualities, recognise and refine them to achieve positive outcomes.
Resourcefulness and persistence mean children have the skills to motivate themselves to overcome obstacles, finding solutions where others might quit. When studying, this could mean earning higher grades by looking at problems from different angles.
These qualities become even more valuable as they move into the working world. However, they must also accept that they won't always succeed, despite their ambition and determination.
6. Goal-setting and accepting failure
As your youngsters step into independence at university, arriving with specific goals and dreams motivates them to succeed in their studies, extracurricular activities and everyday student life. Being goal-oriented enables focus, which makes hitting targets more realistic when combined with other life skills.
You might remember your children excelling at sport, art or academics. Maybe they spoke about being the best footballer or actor in the world, or wanting to become a doctor or adventurer, from an early age. Though sometimes unrealistic, these dreams drive young people to try harder.
Even if many of these childhood fantasies are long gone, keep encouraging remaining or new goal-based progress, while being sympathetic to setbacks when they happen. Children of all ages must learn to accept failure as a lesson and a stepping stone towards future success. Instead of disappointment and negativity, your encouragement gives them extra motivation to succeed next time.
7. Controlling emotions and setting boundaries
At young ages, children express themselves through many emotions, with tantrums, sulking and over-exuberance all commonplace. The boundaries you set in reacting to these outbursts can shape how they develop as they grow older. Younger children tend to push the limits to establish how much they can get away with, which becomes the template for their behaviour as they age.
Perhaps you were too lenient or too strict growing up. While you may regret it now, recognise that the boundaries you set then define much of who your teenager is today. Fortunately, teenagers have an abundant capacity to learn, so changing your reactions could still pave the way for improved emotional control and boundary-setting in future.
Anger is a complex emotion that can be hard to deal with, especially if it's been deep-seated over many years. While expressing anger is often helpful, suppressing it can result in aggression. Whether outward, inward or passive, being overly aggressive can hamper a young adult in a new environment, so it may help for your child to work with a therapist who can teach them healthier coping skills.
8. Communicating and listening
Verbal and non-verbal communication matters in most parts of life, and attentive listening makes it easier. You may have practised communicating with your children throughout their lives, maintaining an openness and honesty that will benefit them as they head into adulthood.
While communication is effective for self-promotion when done well, it needs to be combined with two other crucial life skills: social skills and good manners. Open and honest communication isn’t automatically healthy; if your children are too blunt and insensitive, it may spark conflict and resentment, so the manners and social etiquette you’ve taught them will stand them in good stead.
Conversing well means being sensitive to others and listening intently when they speak. This earns more respect from a conversation partner and helps build a positive impression. If your children are polite in conversation and email, they’ll stand a better chance of finding a part-time job to supplement their university allowance.
9. Practical life skills
While many life skills involve innate behaviours and personality traits, others are more hands-on and practical, especially when your young adult children leave home for the first time.
Doing laundry: ideally, you’ve made laundry one of your children’s chores. They'll value the knowledge when they move into a university hall.
Grocery shopping: there’s an art to buying necessities that saves any home-leaver money and time. Self-discipline and budgeting skills mean they’ll stick to their shopping lists better.
Cooking and cleaning: being comfortable preparing meals and tidying up afterwards helps them plan those shopping lists. Prioritising and managing their time means they’ll fit in the essential but time-consuming tasks.
Driving and public transport: if your child has a car and a licence, they can get themselves where they need to go. Otherwise, knowing the intricacies of public transport will help until they learn to drive. Setting a goal of learning to drive, and practising etiquette on a crowded tube or bus, will serve young people well.
Job hunting and work: excellent communication skills can help in finding part-time work. Once they've secured a position, good time management to balance work and studies is invaluable.
Basic first aid: knowing how to clean and dress a wound helps when you’re not around. Being organised and resourceful means they’ll know where everything is and can make plans should an emergency arise.
Getting enough sleep: when studying, they'll need to combine self-discipline with good boundaries to get home early enough on nights out to be well rested for classes the next day.
Having as many of these critical life skills as possible will help any youngster leaving home for the first time build a successful, independent life at university.
Starting university means a whole new world
Leaving for university will be exciting for your young adult children, though it will likely also include a fair amount of nervousness. As a parent, if you’ve done all you can to prepare them for life away from home, you can be confident that, however much you’ll miss them, they’ll use the life skills you’ve nurtured to cope admirably in their brand-new environment.
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